So here is the cool thing….I can tell that my eldest son is now one of my best friends. I cannot wait to go see him in nyc, and it’s not because I am his mom and need to see that he is doing well in his apartment, and at his job and in his life away from us now, just on the brink of true adulthood at 20, but also because of what I will get when I see him. I’m looking forward to what he gives me. Last week on the phone I detected a world weariness that comes from having a full load of course work, a three-day-a-week nine to five internship/significant job, an on-campus job and a handful of social outings that sound like just what you should do when you live in new york and have a collection of friends around you and have the chances you do just now. But I thought I heard a world weariness that comes from following your dreams and getting to do what you want to do and learning how to balance it all while being a poor starving student. Regardless of what he is really feeling, I believe that cookies from my kitchen and opportunity to reconnect are what I want right now. To go be near him to offer support and be part of his life….participate in his world for a day. Beyond all that, there is the thrill and joy of what I get when I go there. At this point in my life, my son is one of my biggest supporters, one of my best friends in important ways and I can only marvel at how the heck that happened!
I can feel that he is giving back to me the precise things I handed to him when he was just a baby. He is patient as a teacher while I learn how to create and sustain a blog that helps me reach out, and while I try to enlarge it with ever more technologically challenging ideas (“can you help me put a little video clip up on my blog, honey?”). He is encouraging and insightful as I confer with him about my writing and whether it is appropriate material, and I allow these conversations because he has shown me he understands what I am trying to do, and that he cares that I follow my instincts and press forward with my dreams. And he carries me into the world he understands, the one I did not grow up with, that intimidates and confuses me because of its far-reaching and unfamiliar “electronicity”. He is kind and he is loving and he is all that I gave him when we played together on the floor with Thomas the Tank engine toys and stuffed animals that sang and danced, and when we just lived life a day at a time together so many years ago, alone, me and my first boy. God handed me a baby to watch over and I tried hard to pass along the best of myself to him, and now, today, as I look forward to visiting him in his little apartment in New York, I marvel at the mystery of him. How is it possible that so many of the gifts I gave him he is willing to hand back, for free, now, just because I gave them to him in the first place.
Wow…. really looking forward to it.