change, control, dreams coming true, express feelings, forgiveness, goals, inspire, joy, love, marriage, relationship
So here’s the thing: if you love your spouse you do not tell other people, even in jest, how awful they are or how miserable they make you or what lazy SOBs they are. If you love your spouse you save that kind of idea to discuss directly with him in a constructive kind of way. And then when that doesn’t yield the desired results of turning your spouse into the person you were dreaming of it is time to consider the possibility that you yourself may need to change you. I am not saying there are no creepy spouses out there, but giving you the benefit of the doubt, you probably married a great person.
If you change you you might find you have an inordinate amount of power in getting what you want. There are limits of course, but expecting your spouse to magically be who you thought they were going to be isn’t realistic or rational or fair. Your spouse is who he is because in part he’s just spent years hanging around you!
So next time you hear yourself saying out loud that your better half is a creep consider turning YOURSELF into the fantastically thoughtful, loving, generous, you name it, spouse you yourself would like, as a model for the other guy, and then just sit back and see what wonderful things happen.
May I put a plug in here for Barry Neil Kaufman’s “To Love is to Be Happy With”…..I don’t know if it was BNK or Lorenzo or someone else who said, “Look in the mirror, work like hell on yourself, and see if the questions/issues still matter in the same way”. I wish everyone would read your entry.
Thank you. All the time I wonder why my guy is still with me because I am definitely not easy.
Thank you for this comment. It always bothers me when I hear people say lousy things about their loved ones because I know deep down they probably do not mean it,
So I looked at this entry of yours again, Jane, because Cindy and I are celebrating our 25th anniversary next week. I, too, am definitely not easy. It’s one HELL of a dance that we do, and that I suppose, all couples in their own ways do. I’m totally with you and your attitudes here. I think Cindy and I have been at our best when we’re open on all channels, not expecting The Other to meet all our needs, being warm and loving more on balance than being persnickety, and making sure that every single day, we express gratitude to one another for sharing this rollicking adventure together.
Congratulations on your anniversary! Thanks for reading this again and reminding me as well about how grateful I am for the guy still following me around in my life. It is a treasure to me that the same man I met when I was 19 is still next to me day after day living life and witnessing it all with me still, no matter how much I change and grow and become someone different than the girl he met back then. Underneath it all, though, I am quite the same and so is he, and I suppose we both know that.