Tags
being yourself, change, control, dreams coming true, express feelings, higher power, inspire, Jane Butler, Jane Paffenbarger Butler, listening, mother, trust, words
When I was little and when my mother was mad at someone, which seemed to be often, she’d say, ‘they’ll see’, or even,’someday they’ll find out’, as if there would be a final day of reckoning. Don’t get me wrong, my mother had a hard life and being mad at folks was absolutely legitimate, if you ask me. But I got the impression, as a child, that there would eventually be a time to confront everyone who had been mean to her or hurt her, and then they’d learn the truth of the situation and be sorry and my mother would feel better. But I watched her life and I know for sure that that day did not come. My mother went to her grave not having said aloud the things that bothered her and that hurt her and held her back. She bit her tongue her whole life; she waited for a day that never came. I was disappointed when I realized that clarity never came for her. She never got to hear the other guys’ side of things or air her own grievances or say aloud her pains or unload her heavy chains. She carried around so much pain with her everywhere she went, and always with the idea that someday it would all be lifted and the truth would shine. But she spent her life essentially waiting to die, if you ask me, because by not saying aloud her truths, her honest feelings, messy as feelings can be, she lost out on a lot of living. If you ask me.
So, as much as I don’t like it either, I am living my life by confronting those who bother me, and addressing the issues of today, today. I would love to imagine that someday, instead, it all comes clear magically to anyone with whom I’ve had an issue, but I have witnessed it going another way. I am not counting on that. I am living now, while I am here, and saying what’s on my mind today and not waiting for some mythical day of reckoning.
My Own Personal Sky 
Speak, please, and keep speaking. These are so often our best opportunities in adult life, to make peace with the past. And to inform those of us still coming to grips with what has been modeled for us.
Yes, but my mother also said I talk took much, so now what do I do? That’s why I’m keeping a blog: to spare the world every single thought that I want to say aloud. But thank you for the encouragement!
There is no risk, Jane, that you will inundate the world with every single thought you want to say. I hope you’re being funny there. I hope I’ve adequately conveyed MY opinion that you have a LOT of important things to say, and without a doubt, you will have additional important things to say that you don’t even yet realize. Please pass along an astral reply to your mom that her comments are “under advisement” but probably do not apply to the mission you’re on.