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My Own Personal Sky

~ what I'm learning while growing up

My Own Personal Sky

Category Archives: Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding

I write often because I can’t really stop myself. I try, but then I end up getting up in the middle of the night to write it down anyway, or I find an old envelope or a paper napkin, or, you know, whatever is around when I feel my thoughts are so important and urgent I need to exorcise them or I might never rest again. These are pieces I wrote either by a prompt from a periodical or through sheer passion. Usually I thought what I wrote was decent so I worked on it at length and then offered it up to various editors with the hope of getting it published so other people would benefit from my undenied thoughts. Everything here got lost in the black hole at the other end of my ‘send’ button, but I hang on to them anyway since I still like them myself even if they failed to inspire anyone else.

Thank you to my first beta reader!

05 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself, Seizing the Moment, Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding, Stories From My Childhood, You'll Get Over It, Jane Ellen

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being yourself, Jane Butler, joy, writing

A few weeks ago I met with a woman I did not know, my first beta-reader for my manuscript of You’ll Get Over It, Jane Ellen, specifically to get her reaction. She, of course, knew all about my life and had opinions on it, and that was a shock. It was a surreal experience. Because I grew up in isolation one of my childhood dreams had been to have a witness, someone there to see it all unfold, so I wouldn’t have to live it alone. I used to tell the stories of my life to the trees, to the air, to no one, pretending there was someone there, and practicing in case someday someone would be there. Now that I have done that, told the stories to that nebulous someone out there, it feels pretty crazy.

She called the book “compelling” and “honest”. I was aiming for that! She said that the characters were living in her head even when she wasn’t reading the book. She even put in writing on my feedback questionnaire this: “It was also a powerful reminder of the importance of staying in touch with one’s feelings. From the standpoint of a writer, it was a strong example of powerful writing techniques.” When I asked what the theme was she wrote, “Finding one’s own voice, self, and sense of purpose in spite of great family challenges.”

She is a co-director at the Pennsylvania Writing and Literature Project whom I’d met at a writing workshop two years ago where I got her name and email address. So glad I dared to contact her recently asking if she’d be up for reading my story. I could not have asked for a better first beta-reader experience. Many thanks, Janice.

My winning story published! Yay!

24 Wednesday Jun 2015

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself, Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding

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The text of my winning story from the West Chester Story Slam, told in January 2014, was recently published in this anthology of stories. This is when I stood at a microphone in front of a live audience at Ryan’s Pub and told the silly account of how I explained to my son how babies are made after it became evident he wasn’t clear on some of the facts.

Some say it’s about how sex education differs by generations, but I say it’s about showing respect to your kids even when you must embarrass yourself. It’s about sacrificing for kids because you’re a parent. Either way, I am quite happy it was selected to appear in this anthology.

Here’s a link to the video of me telling the story.

WC Story Slam book cover

Reading at Chester County Book Company

11 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself, Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding, Stories From My Childhood, You'll Get Over It, Jane Ellen

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being yourself, writing

I always jump at the chance to read my work aloud. I just love doing that because I find it fascinating to see what people think of it. I also get to hear how it sounds out loud, for real. It’s one thing to read aloud in your dining room and quite another to do so in public with everyone looking right at you. This was a successful reading and folks came up to me afterwards to talk about the story I read, “Lots and Lots of Love and Kisses” an excerpt from my memoir.
Here are a few photos of me at the podium that night, May 18, 2015.

West Chester Story Slam diversion

30 Sunday Mar 2014

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself, On Being Responsive, Playing, Seizing the Moment, Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding

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being yourself, blog, change, Jane Butler, writing

I certainly appreciate all of my readers here and especially those that are very loyal and offer comments, but you might have noticed I have slowed down my postings quite a bit. It’s because I have been changing my writing focus and trying to honor my own sense of what I want to write about. For a long time I’ve done talks to mom’s groups about the importance of playing with our children and actively developing relationships with them. I love doing this and I have tailored my blog to support that. And I will continue.

But I stumbled on the West Chester Story Slam in January and it has changed everything! See my Video tab above to see the stories I have told there.

As a writer I was taken with the opportunity to write a five-minute spoken story that could reach so many more people and get an immediate reaction from them. And, since I love addressing audiences, and since I love writing, I have been focusing all my attention there. This blog has been so satisfying for me as a place to carefully examine my feelings about families and children and, as my tagline suggests, things I am learning while growing up, but the one-way nature of it is isolating and quiet compared to the live audience at the Side Bar Restaurant downtown.

For example. Although I did well the first time I tried telling a five-minute story at the story slam, I tied for first place with two very good story tellers, the second time did not go as well. I attempted to tell a less funny and more serious story and halfway through lost my way and told the audience I had to ditch the effort because I couldn’t regain my footing. Amazingly the crowd yelled out for me to keep going, to try not to give up! They actually shouted for me to try again and not be defeated. I’d love to think that this was because my story was so fascinating but I am pretty sure it was because of the very supportive nature of the group and the spirit of the whole idea of sharing stories in this way. People wanted to see me succeed at what I had set out to do. It might have helped that I very sincerely told them that even I was disappointed because I’d been looking forward to sharing my story. So I did continue and although there was break in the middle while the audience offered counseling, I did complete the task, and felt a resolve to return the next month and get it right. (Which I did with a story about my dead cat.)

So the point is, that the story slam is a place where I have placed great effort in the last few months because I feel a connection with the crowd there. The immediate feedback from them is priceless as I stretch myself to try to tell more broader-based stories.

I’ve noticed that my stories there help me work on my larger project, my memoir, since the stories can be chosen directly from the memoir and honed both for the story slam and for the book. So if you like this blog and if you are out there, feel free to yell from the back row that I should not give up and that you appreciate what I do here, because otherwise I cannot hear you and I am afraid that at the moment the folks at the story slam have got my greater attention.

The first time I heard how babies are made or Ridiculously fun thing to do for my birthday

15 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself, On Being Responsive, Parents, Playing, Seizing the Moment, Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding, Stories From My Childhood, Teenagers

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being yourself, Jane Butler, parents, relationship, sex, West Chester Story Slam

January West Chester Story Slam winners
So for my birthday I granted myself a night out, last night, telling silly stories instead of packing for the family trip today.

Crazy thing listening to yourself. That is, following an intuition to just go do it. I just went out to the West Chester Story Slam last night, signed the releases allowing a YouTube presentation of my story, took the microphone, and went ahead and told it. Don’t get me wrong, I have many stories to tell, but last night’s has been on my mind a while. I’ve told it plenty before, but never for the express purpose of entertaining. So it was a little like being a stand-up comic where you carefully pace and time and reveal your truths and then watch people laugh.

I loved it. And I was even one of the winners!

Now I am automatically entered into the Grand Slam in November where each month’s winners compete for the title of Best Story Teller in Chester County.

So what was my story about? Some say it’s about how sex education differs by generations, but I say it’s about showing respect to your kids even when you must embarrass yourself. It’s about sacrificing for kids because you’re a parent.

Click on the link above to see a video of me telling my story on the story slam website.

My published writing!

12 Tuesday Nov 2013

Posted by paffenbutler in Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding, Stories From My Childhood, Teenagers, You'll Get Over It, Jane Ellen

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Jane Butler, teenagers, writing

When I headed off to college I realized that my parents had left me on the doorstep of adulthood believing everything I did was wrong and useless and stupid. My life as a teenager was highlighted by the presence of several doting boyfriends that helped counteract the unintentionally destructive messages my folks were sending me. Even though the boys were kind of shady at the time they seemed great!

Recently a few stories from my teenage years were published in an anthology called Unclaimed Baggage: Voices of the Main Line.  It is presently available on Amazon.com if you’d like to learn more.

Book launch including some of my stories

22 Tuesday Oct 2013

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself, Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding, Stories From My Childhood, You'll Get Over It, Jane Ellen

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being yourself, dreams coming true, Jane Butler, writing

My writer’s group, the Main Line Writers, has put out an anthology of poetry and short stories. I’d love for you to come and support me as I take my first steps into sharing work from the memoir I am writing. My piece, Rolling in the Meadows of Our Minds, tells the story of my first date, at the age of fourteen, with a boy I have only met moments before on the telephone. Revelations follow as I discover a social world far different from the one I know on the vast isolated estate I live on miles away, where my family seem to be serfs in a feudal kingdom. How can I ever go back after that?

Come join us at our book release party at Nestology (a cool pop culture store) in the King of Prussia Mall this Sunday, 27 October, from 1 to 3 pm! 

Here’s our facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com//mainlinewritersgroup

and here are the details of the book launch:

https://www.facebook.com/events/428094900630423

UNCLAIMED BAGGAGE: Voices of the Main Line Writers

Baggage. We hide our treasures inside it when we travel. But sometimes fate makes us leave it behind. It becomes unclaimed baggage waiting for a new owner.

Inside this collection are 21 treasures from the authors of the Main Line Writers Group. Open Unclaimed Baggage and you will find stories of bravery and horror, loss and reconciliation, ghosts and demons, racial violence in Malvern and death in Amsterdam.

Hope you can come and cheer me on. If you cannot and would like a book, let me know and I’ll get you a copy ($9.00-ish) or you can get a copy for your Kindle after the launch. Wish us luck!

Jane

I started a website for myself because people said I should

28 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself, Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding, Stories From My Childhood, You'll Get Over It, Jane Ellen

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being yourself, dreams coming true, express feelings, Jane Butler, Jane Paffenbarger Butler, writing

For all of my readers out there, please high-five me now because I have taken the grand step of publishing a website for myself to help promote my upcoming memoir, You’ll Get Over It, Jane Ellen.

Yes, some day I will figure out how to get my story published and then finally share my long held secrets.

It’s a little fuzzy now just why it all started, but I did sit down very deliberately one day ten years ago to begin writing my story. Something about it felt quite right because in the end I couldn’t stop myself. It seems that in the long run putting in order all the stories of my life has been enlightening and empowering. I cannot hide from some of the themes rising out of my own words. This after taking myself to a writing workshop week after week for six years and offering up my stories for the group to hear read aloud. Folks asked pointed questions that forced me to look hard at precisely what ideas my words conveyed.

I have been waiting for the day that I would feel proud of this project, and at last I do. Writing the stories of my life has given me the precise words to use to share my most profoundly affecting experiences in a way that is more powerful than any other I have ever had.

So go look at my website and let me know what you think.
janebutler.org

A Perfect Song to Sing – again

20 Friday Jan 2012

Posted by paffenbutler in Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding, Singers, Uncategorized

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American Idol, being yourself, dreams coming true, express feelings, inspire, joy, natural talent, singers

It is a painful truth that I cannot sing with glorious abandon like I want to. I am reminded of this because it is American Idol season again and I must once again live vicariously through those on this earth that can. Something about being able to open your mouth and let loose feelings, with perfect nuance, and with force and quiet and surprise and growl, drives me crazy with envy. It is the ability to express myself so clearly that I want. So….this brings me to post again, a longer never before posted version of my American Idol piece about our true gifts and the gifts of our children. This is an essay I wrote for the love of singing and for the love of children.


I love American Idol, not for the usual reasons, whatever they are, but because the show reminds me every time I see it, that we are not each born with an obvious voice.  You know, a way of expressing just who we are.  Being able to sing beautifully is a dream, but what about when a voice is manifest instead as a gifted doctor, lawyer or Indian chief?  That idea inspires me to help the children in my life figure out who they are and what that voice is.  I am inspired for myself, for Pete’s sake.  After watching the show for years now, I actually go out and try things in real life because I see someone younger taking an even bigger risk on television.  Now I am not talking about singing for me.  I am very sure I am not a singer.

And let’s face it, I will not go into all the specifics here, but suffice it to say I have changed my mind about who I think I am multiple times already.  I have watched contestants over and over again stand in front of judges and offer up who they think they are (they always think they are a singer), and then wait for a verdict.  So really, watching these young people consider who they might be with what looks like wild abandon on national television is inspiring.  It gives me courage to do the same in my own life, in my own way.  I, too, want to sing my song, share my own beautiful voice, and I want my children to sing their own beautiful songs, but American Idol-caliber singers we are not.   Apparently our beautiful songs are something else.

What keeps me coming back for more is that so many people who try out for the show are truly unclear about their own beautiful song, too.  Even Kelly Clarkson was not so sure.  When she won at the end of the first season she was asked what she would do with the money.  On the spot she said that the friend who had convinced her to try out was going to get a new Corvette!   It seems that Kelly, at first, had not dreamed she could win, but her friend had known better.   Sometimes we must take ourselves somewhere else to get a reading on how we stack up.  The show is a kind of reality check on “who am I?”  You know, just in case I am a singer, like Kelly Clarkson, and didn’t realize it.

The real point of all this is that when I see children on American Idol publicly confirm that they, like me, are not sure who they are, I wish that I might inspire their parents to guide them.  Terrible singers show up whacking out some horrible rendition of a song for judges, who cringe and dismiss the crestfallen hopeful, but it is because these kids come with the dream that they might be a singer, that this show can be instructive.  Helping our children know who they are before they get in the miles-long American Idol tryout line is a gift.

It would be nice if we could all just look inside ourselves and know what our strengths are, but we need others to help us.  And not knowing exactly who we are as parents does not prevent us from helping our children.   Parents can help children know themselves by responding on a day-to-day basis to the exceptional things they do, to help them learn what they are good at and what they are not good at.  We can let them show us how they feel, and then accept it.  Let them be who they are.  I am not talking about taking everything a child says as gospel, but instead I am talking about being the adult and watching and discerning what a child’s spirit is really about.  By allowing our children to express themselves freely with the expectation that our responses will be loving and truthful, and designed to help them get to know themselves, they have the opportunity to become whoever they are, and know it, and not become someone confused about their abilities.  The kids on American Idol who audition with screeches and screams have no one in their lives helping them see who they really are, and of what they are actually capable, whether it is singing or something else.

As parents we have a fantastic opportunity to help our children figure this out.  So be that person for your child.  Be the one who knows him well.  Watch and learn and then help him see where his strengths lie.  However crazy it might be, whenever I see American Idol I dream that I can arrive somewhere someday, presenting myself without pretense, and then just like the chubby and modest fifteen-year old boy I saw on the show once, surprisingly turn out to have the voice of an angel.  Whenever I hear Kelly Clarkson on the radio, I have that dream again, that I and all other children on earth may too someday be as lucky as she and find our perfect song to sing.

Engaging the heart

06 Friday Jan 2012

Posted by paffenbutler in On Being Responsive, Serious Attempts to Get Published, No Kidding

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being yourself, inspire, joy, parents, play

Here’s another one of the pieces of writing I offered to MomSense magazine for publication that they declined. I had taken this one to a critique group where it was pointed out that there is nothing very original going on here, and my message has been offered up already a million times. It’s true, I haven’t thought of a more original way of saying this yet, but I think the writing itself is decent.

Why Not Play?
The joy of play is that it is all about the heart and not so much about the head. It means following whatever line of thinking comes up, even if it is silly, making it up as you go. Play can be blowing bubbles, chasing after them, watching them land and then seeing how they burst. This is the great thing. It is about some inner you telling you what to do because it feels good. It feels good because it is a way to explore the world, as we humans are wont, without taking on the burden of thinking about it too hard. Chasing bubbles means running, which for a little one is a discovery in itself. Chasing bubbles means finding them rolling and bobbing with the wind, rarely losing their shape, discovering how bubbles are. Chasing bubbles means discovering the feel of the earth under foot, the sun on your skin and the wind in your hair. Chasing bubbles might mean discovering what it is to feel free which, who knows, could come in handy later in life.
But play requires trust. Trust on your part that what your child’s play is, be it talking to dolls or coloring outside the lines, is good. It means trusting that your child’s ideas, although different than yours, or possibly different than everyone elses, are good. It means trusting that your child can direct himself to do things you do not understand, or want, and therefore requiring you to follow instead of lead. If it does not hurt anyone or anything and your child wants to do it, why not foster the idea? Let your child show you who he is. Let him learn that his ideas are valuable. Foster the notion that what he thinks of is good enough to try, even if you doubt it, and in that process teach him to value himself and his ideas as you do. If chasing bubbles ultimately leads to jumping in puddles, does it matter that clothes get muddy and wet? Let play happen and throw clothes in the wash. After all, playing is a child’s job. It is to discover, to learn, to explore and to find out what this world she has been born into is all about, and what she can do in it. It is in a child’s nature to let loose the mind and to engage the heart. So let her discover what gifts God has given that she might someday share them with the world, be they modest or grand. Let your children invite you into the discovery, into the joie de vivre, into the freedom of play and go ahead and chase bubbles, too.

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