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My Own Personal Sky

~ what I'm learning while growing up

My Own Personal Sky

Tag Archives: God

My dog is smarter than anyone

12 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

beach, change, God, Jane Butler

I am loved, no more worthy and no less worthy than any other person.The breezes of the beach are unconditional. They wash over me and I bask in these winds that gently caress.

My real life, the one where I have to think and do and decide and care, is far away now. I get up early to walk along the sand while people are sleeping, but I am in the loving arms of God down by the shore.

Sometimes I ask why it has to be the way it is and he says it does not. Go change it. But today I ask why things have to be the way they are and he says because it is best. I have to let my sister, who has left me, go, because it is best.

And I know he is right.

My dog who is beautiful and perfect sits by me while I talk to God. And she says that whatever I think is right, is right.

God was friendly today as usual

16 Saturday Feb 2013

Posted by paffenbutler in Being Yourself, The Quaker Meeting

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

being yourself, change, control, dog, dreams coming true, express feelings, fear, friends, friendship, goals, God, higher power, inspire, Jane Butler, Jane Paffenbarger Butler, joy, listening, love, pup, security, teacher, trust, words

I grew up isolated and in the woods so I am always looking to nature for signs of communication. You know, a breeze or a thunderbolt or a special crash of a wave in answer to my question, whether posed aloud or in my heart. And so today is no different, as I have found my whole life, it is good to discuss my problems with the earth. I do not know why, but no one else as far as I can see up and down the beach, wanted to walk along the sand at seven in the morning in February except my pup, who heartily agreed when I asked her. So there I was again, under my own personal sky. I looked out to God and said, “I have stood on these shores countless times in my life, and I have looked out at your grandeur and your beauty over and over. You are always here no matter how many years go by. No matter how many times I look to you to show me the way, no matter how many times I look to you to hear me and see me and know me, and no matter what, you are still out there being solid and present and beautiful. Nothing much seems to change with you, gorgeous sunrise above the earth, but boy, my world sure has changed.”

That’s when I saw the sun, shrouded by gray stormy clouds, peaking out a bit in answer. Oh, yes, I thought to myself, that is how it is, my earth always responds. I can always trust that. Well what about all the troubles I feel, the pains about getting out of my isolation, and trusting that the world can take the frightened person that hides in me? How perfect is it that I feel ready to share myself more, at last, and not let fears rule my life? How perfect is it that you have been standing ready for me to say these words, because you have been sharing yourself and your perfect glory for eons already, so you know what it is. I walked along some more feeding treats to my pup every time she came back from a dig at a crab hole to let me know she is still my friend for life. The clouds shifted and a few tears flew into the wind. I stopped, and as is common for me, I addressed the world directly, after all I could not feel safer than when entirely completely all alone, and I said thank you. Thank you for still being out there for me even though so many people and ideas and hopes and dreams have come and gone. I know I can do this. I know I can carry on and be myself out in the world despite the confusion I feel.

That’s when the sun glided bright suddenly forcing clouds aside to say directly to me in a broad and winning smile, “Yes.”

And that’s when I laughed out loud, because I am sure that one footstep washed away by the sand at a time, I am getting to precisely where I have always been going.

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