Visit someone else’s life, and take your kids

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being yourself, dreams coming true, express feelings, fear, goals, Jane Butler, Jane Paffenbarger Butler, joy, listening, parents, teacher, weather, what to do to help others

Just got back from spending the day at a charity project helping a needy homeowner make her place dryer, safer and warmer. So as always happens, my husband and I, and the kids, all came home enriched by the experience.

As we said on the ride home in the car, we put ourselves in front of others who told us we could do things we were sure we could not. Rarely do I find occasions to stand at the top of a twelve-foot ladder leaning against the side of a house, with a crowbar in hand, on an 18 degree January morning, discovering that leverage is surprisingly different up there. Rarely do I take on the project of hacking out old pipes and plugging the resulting hole with insulation and then fashioning out of shims an insert to fill the gap. Besides this I discover that in the first few minutes of meeting the homeowner I have engaged her in a discussion of her dreams for the future, and of her love of the many fabrics she collects by the yard even though she does not know how to sew. And I see that I cannot ignore one of the teenager volunteers there because he has said he is taking a semester off from school to discover which major to pursue. This is precisely the juncture in my own life, and in my father’s life, and in my mother’s life, and in my sister’s life, and in plenty of other lives I know, where the path leading to the greater happiness was not recognized, and I must discuss this with him. I must tell him what I know and be sure to leave that with him, no matter what he thinks of me, or I cannot sleep tonight.

Likewise, my husband watched, inspired, as others used tools in ways he’d never seen before. And the girls who had grumbled at getting up early on a Saturday, and at the prospect of a whole day of work, claimed to have had FUN spackling and sanding an upstairs bedroom with a welcoming group of volunteers.

It is hard to measure what we get when we help others because invariably it seems we help ourselves too. It is by far the best thing I know to do to get out of myself when I think I have it bad. And that is why we have taken our children to do this ever since they could assist in ripping out linoleum flooring, or drag a paintbrush across trim. We gain physical skills, self-awareness, and perspective on others. Take your kids, and go visit someone else’s life for a minute, if you can.

Hungry son eats his words

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Amazon jungle, being yourself, dreams coming true, evacuated from the Amazon jungle, fear, higher power, Jane Butler, Jane Paffenbarger Butler, joy, parents, piranhas, pirhanas, relationship, trust, weather

Are you tired of hearing about my risk-taking son? His latest news is that he had to be evacuated from a remote lodge in the Amazon jungle. It was for acute food poisoning that had nothing to do with the Amazon lodge and everything to do with the food vendor at the airport in the last civilized city he’d visited. Because he became so dehydrated he could not walk, and therefore had to be transported during a rainforest deluge by everything from a strong man able to carry a 190-pound vomiting ‘boy’, to a luggage wagon, a canoe, a wheelbarrow, and a motorized boat. That was after the local medical expert failed to improve his condition by whacking him across the face repeatedly with banana leaves. A shack of a house in the village they arrived at 2 1/2 hours later held the happy surprise of a medical professional with an antibiotic. Our boy recovered and returned, and the next day was able to join the group to swim with the piranhas. You can hear all about this on his blog.

This is all just preamble to what I really want to say. That is that it has happened in a rather brief period of time that my son has changed from a boy to a man. I judge this by the heck of a time we had with him when he was in high school heading down a path we did not appreciate, just three years ago, to today. Three years ago he challenged us as parents and as people to the point that we took drastic action and held an intervention of sorts to halt him in his risk-taking tracks. To make a long story short we removed all his electronic devices from him for six months, grounded him for a while, told him about our hopes and dreams and love for him, and yanked him over to a path we did like. He has referred to this as the ‘worst days of my life’ more than once. It was not too fun for us either.

Funny thing, just last week during a phone call, he mentioned rather casually how good that all turned out to be in the long run. How it had been the right thing after all, and that we were smart to have done it for him. Yikes! How do we save such moments in life?

I am going to venture to say that his own words were easier to eat than whatever they were serving down there on his way to the jungle last week.

Some joy to balance the pain

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being yourself, change, control, dehydration, dreams coming true, Ecuador, exchange student, express feelings, fear, friends, goals, inspire, joy, letting go, mother-in-law, parents, play, security, South America, trust, weather

I am feeling a little of the balance of life today. We buried my aunt’s ashes last weekend, and we buried my mother-in-law a few weeks before that, but now, today I am feeling the joy of seeing my son stand happily in exactly the right place. He went missing for a few days, at least at our end here in America, and with warnings of a tsunami on the western coast of South America, and his failure to respond to emails and texts or to post anything to his blog or Facebook, we felt a little alarmed. Where did our kid who contacts us three times a day one way or another go?

When we finally connected on day four he said he’d been off to the coast at a three-day language camp for foreigners intending to study in Ecuador for the year, and there was no WiFi, and by the way, I am busy now and I’ve got to go. According to his blog posts thereafter he’d been terribly sick with symptoms of dehydration as well as had tons of fun meeting people and playing hard.

We will learn to fully let go through experiences like this one I hope. This one is helpful because it seems apparent that we have guided him to just where he needs to be. Or so it seems right now. He is out in the wide world having thrilling experiences. He’s happy, he’s taking care of himself and surviving despite himself. He’s meeting people and learning and growing and finding his place in the world. We could not be happier for him.

So being told he is alive and well, and in his usual way, quite busy having a good time so let me go already, was all we needed to hear in order to be able to rest comfortably in the idea that maybe we have led him to his adulthood ready to go.

I don’t care what the weather is like, I still want to walk on the beach every day that I can

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being yourself, weather

It was so cold and windy my dog stayed close rather than charge around looking for dead crabs to play with as she usually does. Her ears blew back in the wind and sand pelted her tiny ankles. My pup is a beagle so she’s short.

I had on three layers of bulky clothes, my hood was up and snapped shut around my head, and I even had on one of those winter headbands to cover my ears. It was a little hard to move forward because the wind was so strong and I leaned into it to make my way.

We walked along alone. No one else wanted to see the ocean at 7am on a Sunday, in the windy cold winter of February.

I couldn’t help but think of Dad. He’d have wanted to.

Sunday silence

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being yourself, express feelings, higher power, inspire, joy, Quaker, weather, words

I feel I am in a Wyeth painting from my seat in the Meeting House.
Glancing through frosty windows above deep set sills, I see a snowy tree and a white cold January sky.
Wide wooden floor boards scuff beneath my feet.
Creaky benches, warmth, and communion of all in one, join our silent assembly.

The Lone Ranger

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being yourself, inspire, joy, weather

I saw a parade Friday night and it was magical! It was so wholesome and local and old-fashioned feeling what with hundreds of people lining the streets and everyone together out on a frosty night, even businesses open later than usual, hot chocolate and mulled cider in the air. I loved it! Nineteen dfferent high school bands marched down Market Street playing Christmas carols, and antique cars rolled by slowly, followed by the folks at Ace Hardware who had a float loaded with friendly faces and even a golden retreiver wearing a Santa hat. There was even The Lone Ranger, a guy in a blue polyester jumpsuit high atop a pure white horse popping his pistol every so often for no more reason than he likes to be in parades, I suppose.

My favorite sight to see, however, besides my own daughter marching along in formation with her flugalhorn held high, was a woman from the local college alone on a float that was lit up with bright white lights, and who was stunning to look at. She had on a short white wool coat, jeans and tall brown leather boots. There was a spot of color on her, maybe a red scarf, and her long blond hair fell all around her shoulders flowing lightly in the breezes. Mounted behind her was a white sparkly mantle from a fireplace framing her beautifully under the dark night sky. But the thing I adored most about this woman besides the vision that she was, was that she was singing in the most remarkable way. This lady had chosen to be all alone on her float, operatic runs and trills confidently tumbling into her microphone on top of some kind of clear and forceful aria. It seemed so out of place in a Christmas parade, I thought, but then the more I watched her roll by, singing so surely about whatever it was, in Italian I suppose, the more I admired the fact that she knew just who she was. She apparently knew that she fit in and she knew she could sing, and she was determined to share it all with us, despite our shortcomings at understanding.

It is the metaphor for myself I see over and over, people willing to sing their song despite the fact that the rest of us don’t necessarily get it right away. But I can tell you, this lady had me spellbound with her song because it was clear she cared about whatever she was saying, a lot, and she insisted with each beautiful phrase, that we listen and consider the possibility that what she had to offer was indeed something we needed to hear. I thank her for getting up there and showing me again the power of following your passion, and power of doing what you are good at just because it is what you want to do, and just because people will let you do it.

You could get electrocuted doing that

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higher power, parents, play, weather

Watching an electrical storm up close is pretty thrilling and I got to do that as a kid more than once. Dad didn’t mind that kind of thing.

Later, with my own children, my tolerance for danger seemed much greater than that of the parents around me, and even of my husband who was sure legs would be broken and eyes would be pecked out. “What’s the worst that can happen”, I’d ask, “he’ll break an arm and we’ll go to the hospital and get it fixed.” It never happened when you expected it anyway. All the broken arms came when no one was even tempting fate.

To read this story from my childhood, “You Could Get Electrocuted Doing That”, click on the heading at the top of the page entitled, “You’ll Get Over It, Jane Ellen” and scroll to Chapter 10.

You don’t always get killed

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higher power, parents, weather

Today I post my first story from “You’ll Get Over It, Jane Ellen”. When I read some of my stories, particularly one of camping on the beach during a hurricane I am brought right back to my childhood when my dad thought nothing of exposing us to the humility of living among the elements. I feel I learned much from such scary experiences, primarily that you don’t always get killed doing things others are afraid to do.

To read a different story, click on the heading at the top of the page entitled, “You’ll Get Over It, Jane Ellen”.

See Chapter 10, “You Could Get Electrocuted Doing That” another story of living close to the earth and learning that you do not always get killed doing things others are afraid to do.

Daydreaming about Thanksgiving dinner

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dog, weather

I took a walk with my dog today. This is not unusual for me since the two of us walk every day. But today was different because it was I who needed the walk. It is a magical thing that happens sometimes. Just getting outside, walking through the woods and seeing the fall colors, renews my spirit. I cover a lot of territory with myself during a walk like this, mulling over issues that I need to figure out, and thinking through things that are bothering me.

Today I notice that the same issue keeps coming up in my mind and it remains present and insists on being heard. So as I walk, I walk through the points of concern and arrange them for myself. It is not a big deal, but it is not going away either.

I guess I am trying to tell myself something with this nagging issue. I guess I better deal with it so it goes away and I can spend my walk time on something easier and more fun. Like maybe daydreaming about Thanksgiving dinner.

Whether you like the weather or not

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higher power, weather

Why does it matter if the sun comes out or if it rains today?  Unless the sun or the rain are long lost friends we wish to see again, I don’t care what the weather is because I love it all.  There is no guarantee that the sunny day will be a good one or that the rainy day will be bad.  The weather isn’t neatly related to what happens to me, at least not here in my suburban, air-conditioned, heated life.  Rainy days are close and the ceiling is low and I feel nurtured by nature, and sometimes those bright sunny days can be a hoax, distant and ethereal, accidentally pointing out how imperfect life is.  I’ve had days from hell that were gorgeous, and rainy days where my heart soared, so what logic is there in seeking only the sunny day?  Okay, there is an implied joy in the cerulean sky, and yes, rainy days can be dreary, but weather in general, good or bad, reminds me of the larger forces in our lives.  I feel grateful to be here and to have the chance to experience the weather, that whatever it is I am glad to have.  Weather reminds me of the existence of the sky, and of the earth, and a higher power beyond us.  It even reminds me of love because we seek each other out when the weather is really “good” and really “bad”.  So when folks whine that the sun must come out or that it might rain, or whatever, I ignore it because it is all so good to me.